We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
