sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
