pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It's blow job season.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
