I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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