apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
