I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
