So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
