your thong is hanging out like whoa
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
