Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
worst night to have a conscience
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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