the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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