I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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