You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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