I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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