your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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