"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
