Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
