I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
