I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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