It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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