Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I supernannyed him into submission
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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