I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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