Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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