I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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