Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
