We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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