Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
