i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
