All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
