So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
