Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
