Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
