that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
