if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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