I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
