ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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