Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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