STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
never play flip cup with pint glasses
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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