I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
