a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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