I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Will exercising make me less horny?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
