I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?