I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
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Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
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I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf