scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank