dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
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No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
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I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative