Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(+33): View more from France

I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.

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(+33): I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing. http://tfl.nu/69za

Replies (13) Good night (898) Bad night (2154)
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(206): View more from Washington

Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.

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(206): Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it. http://tfl.nu/tro9

Replies (10) Good night (1173) Bad night (2019)
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(646): View more from New York

You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....

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(646): You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing.... http://tfl.nu/xrxl

Replies (3) Good night (4397) Bad night (745)
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(443): View more from Maryland

told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?

(410): View more from Maryland

i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.

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(443): told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why? (410): i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks. http://tfl.nu/uckj

Replies (63) Good night (825) Bad night (9015)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid

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(203): I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid http://tfl.nu/8jas

Replies (9) Good night (6918) Bad night (997)
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(618): View more from Illinois

No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.

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(618): No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense. http://tfl.nu/myox

Replies (3) Good night (2877) Bad night (854)
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(519): View more from Ontario

i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..

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(519): i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me.. http://tfl.nu/onqg

Replies (2) Good night (3228) Bad night (1438)
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(513): View more from Ohio

I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.

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(513): I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake. http://tfl.nu/fip9

Replies (8) Good night (4370) Bad night (1150)
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(423): View more from Tennessee

Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea

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(423): Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea http://tfl.nu/mhka

Replies (17) Good night (1081) Bad night (3028)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.

(1-201): View more from New Jersey

You're a rent hooker.

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(201): No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both. (1-201): You're a rent hooker. http://tfl.nu/wbsz

Replies (14) Good night (3828) Bad night (1147)
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(847): View more from Illinois

First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk

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(847): First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk http://tfl.nu/kqu6

Replies (6) Good night (2980) Bad night (1343)
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(313): View more from Michigan

At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.

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(313): At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday. http://tfl.nu/fpxj

Replies (4) Good night (1490) Bad night (539)
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(503): View more from Oregon

I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..

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(503): I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows.. http://tfl.nu/u6a7

Replies (0) Good night (391) Bad night (568)
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(520): View more from Arizona

Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI

(1-520): View more from Arizona

this is why i love drunk you

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(520): Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI (1-520): this is why i love drunk you http://tfl.nu/owbm

Replies (2) Good night (985) Bad night (399)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense

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(412): Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense http://tfl.nu/q1gm

Replies (3) Good night (555) Bad night (294)

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