this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
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you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow