i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
COCAINE IS GR8
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
