you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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