I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
