So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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