If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
