booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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