i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
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And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
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