cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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