this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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