Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
