I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
