sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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