Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
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my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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