I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
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just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
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I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
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