I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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