my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
