It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
