I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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