I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I think people are normalizing furries
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
