never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
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