So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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