I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Small penises have feelings too.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
