...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
