I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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