one word: firstdatebathroomanal
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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