Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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