he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
