3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i've created a new STD.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
