like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
