Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
