Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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