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I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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