I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Randomize
