Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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