Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
