After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
